Chapter 10
The First Time I Said It Out Loud
The chapter recounts the author beginning to share her story publicly, starting with a small group where she speaks about the attack on the bike trail and the scream she refused to give away.
I walked into the room because someone had left the door open. There were maybe eight chairs in a circle, all of them empty except for two. A woman I didn’t know nodded at the seat across from her. I sat down without saying my name first. That part came later, after the silence had stretched long enough to feel like a room of its own.
When it was my turn, I said, “A man tried to stab me on a bike trail.” The words came out flat, like they’d been waiting in a line too long. I didn’t plan to say anything else, but then I heard myself add, “He’d been following me for two years.” The woman across from me stopped writing on her notepad. I could see the numbers on the clock behind her head, but I didn’t look away.
I told them about the light, the creek, the way my arm burned where his fingers had been. I didn’t tell them about the scream. That part was still too close, like a door I could open but not walk through. Instead, I said, “I’m not giving it to him anymore.” The room was quiet enough to hear the hum of the fluorescent lights. No one asked what I meant. Maybe they already knew.