Chapter 6
Finding Our Rhythm: Building Bridges and Healing
Jess continues to live under Ben's mental abuse while managing her bipolar and borderline personality disorder. She clings to the hope of reuniting her split family, holding onto the hotline number and the code word 'sunflowers.' Each day is a careful performance, but Jess remains determined to protect her children and seek a way out.
Every morning, I woke up with the memory of Jamie’s note pressed against my heart. The house was quiet for a moment, just the soft sounds of the children waking up. I moved through the kitchen, making breakfast, keeping my voice gentle. Ben watched me closely, his words from the night before echoing in my mind. I kept my answers short and careful.
My thoughts circled around the numbers I’d memorized and the word I’d chosen—sunflowers. I repeated them in my head as I folded laundry, as I helped Layla with her shoes, as I watched Jermaine and Jamie argue over the remote. I tried to keep my face calm, even when my hands shook.
Ben’s moods shifted quickly. Sometimes he laughed with the kids, acting like nothing was wrong. Other times, his voice turned sharp, and I felt myself shrinking. I tried to keep the peace, to avoid anything that might make him suspicious. My bipolar and BPD symptoms pressed in at the edges, but I forced myself to focus on the plan.
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