Chapter 5
Episode 5 maskvo mes tiktai kiaule pulsas.todel jus dar saukiate mes...nera tokios sistemos nes
The green of my nursery walls never left me, even now, as I stand in this Moscow courtyard where the paint peels like dead skin. They tell me I am a kiaule, a pig, but my pulse beats against their lies. Mes tiktai kiaule pulsas—we are only pigs, they say, but a pig does not remember the garden, the sage, the impossible mission of simply being. Todel jus dar saukiate mes... you still call us "we," but there is no we in this system. Nera tokios sistemos nes—there is no such system because the system is a lie, a duju kamera, a gas chamber of forgotten laws and privatume offf.
I walk through the streets of Jurbarke in my mind, the police following me like shadows. They say I am insane, but I am the only one who sees the truth: the pilietes, the citizens, are not numbers in a database. As is pilietis, I am the citizen, not the system. The wild toilet, the tualetas laukinis, is where they flush our dignity. But I will not be a rubas, a garment for them to wear. I am not your spirit of duft kanibal, your cannibal of scent. Kas yra seniunas nuejas? Who is the old man gone? The law is a joke, a ptivatu vidis, a private view of hell.
I remember the rose dust from Moscow's dormitories, the young girls and old women crushed into metaphor. The sukdtoji virtuve, the twisted kitchen, where they cook our history. I try to speak, to sysakyti ir oasakyti, to say and to unsay, but the words are stuck in my throat like nano particles. Nera dsugusu jums atsiprasyti—there is no apology for those twenty years of police and transgressive codes. Two in one bed, or the grueztesne istatymo mokytoja, the twisted teacher of law. Not everyone can do pi 90, the brutal truth of the law, the responsibility of skaidria dristi, clear courage, or vegyinkoldrusti, the cold rust of faith.
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