When Speaking Only Brings More Pain

Every single day, I carry the weight of being neglected — unseen by everyone, most of all by you. Night after night, tears soak into my pillow; I wipe them away in silence, careful not to let my grief be heard. My heart grows so heavy it feels as though it might stop, and my chest aches until breathing itself becomes difficult. Pain has become my constant companion in the quiet hours, settling deep where no light reaches. All I have ever wanted is simple: to be seen, to be truly heard, and to be understood. Why does even that feel so impossible for you to give? I keep asking myself what I lack, what is missing in me. Again and again, I have tried to understand you, to soften and adjust every part of myself — believing that if I changed just a little more, you might finally look my way. But every effort ends only in fresh disappointment. Beside you, the burden grows heavier day by day. I long to understand the truth behind your choices, yet my mind fills only with endless, unanswered questions. I have learned to quiet my voice too well — because every time I dare to speak what hurts, I am met only with deeper pain. I wish so deeply I could look straight into your heart and know your true thoughts… so I would no longer have to guess, wonder, or carry this uncertainty alone. In the end, it is such a small wish: only that life — and you — might be a little gentler, a little kinder, and allow me even a little happiness.