Afraid to love by Dr. Shannon Signorino

Ch. 1: The Echo of Past Hurt

past.

Ch. 2: A Chance Encounter

Hannah does not have a problem attracting men. The problem is she doesn't want them to stick around.

Ch. 3: Hesitant Steps

She finds herself looking for someone who is her equivalent because she feels I would be a good match for. However, it turns out like a competition when they do meet. She has looked for people that are weaker than she is just to take care of her and praise her everyday and pray this also does not work out because after while there is no respect for that person. She does not want somebody his aggressive and reminds her of her past but she doesn't want someone to read either.

Ch. 4: Cracks in the Armor

Persistent kindness of a good, who is good looking, stays in shape and is itself self made without reliance financially on anyone else, will be what will start to break her down. And generate steps towards healing. persistent kindness and understanding start to break through defenses and generate the start of healing.

Ch. 5: The Shadow of Doubt

As any of her relationships deepen, old anxiety and fear come to light and keep her from giving way. She starts to sabotage so she doesn't have to answer any questions.

Ch. 6: A Confession and a Confrontation

Hannah's first love was a water polo player that lived behind her ranch. However, she had been put forward so many grades that she was only 13 in high school and he was 17. A senior. She would get so nervous she would sweat. Just talking to him. He would come to her cheerleading event and watch her. Even tell her he loves. But her fear was too strong because of the age.

Ch. 7: No Support

Hannah had a crush on one of the horse trainers when she became 16. She used to ride in the ring at night. Hoping to catch his attention. This went on for a few months. And one night when packing for a show she was pinned inside the horse trailer and raped. She went crying to her mother immediately who told her that she was a w****. Being raised Catholic. She didn't know what to do. She thought that for some reason she had to stay with him. She planned an elaborate getaway. Unfortunately this was at one of the horse shows. Her mother showed up to the show, locked all her clothes away and told her to leave the fairgrounds. In the middle of nowhere in Pomona, California. She called her stepmother. Her father was away in the military. Step mother took her in. but Hannah still felt she needed to marry the person that had raped her. Nobody would explain to her that that was not true. Hannah ran away again and ended up calling her mother to come get her. This started the track of fear in men and family with no backup. Hannah's family was in a giant family. Feud. Over money. She was too young to understand and what you found was used as a straw person by her own mother. And I came from a family where her grandparents were to forced. Also. The grandfather was using the mother to hide money and Hannah's brother was using the grandmother to hide money. This ended up in a giant family. Feud where Hannah was named in a lawsuit for 2.5 million. At age 18. She then pursued a career in the Air Force to get away. She would not take any money with her. The first person she met was all exciting and exotic. He had dark skin and green eyes. She'd never seen anyone like that. Every word out of his mouth was exciting. She was wanting to stay away by her father but she could not understand. Back then there was a lot of segregation. But in the military there wasn't people didn't act like that. The sad part is after 4 years of defending herself being with a black man. He did beat her relentlessly. Now she is age 25. She has been raved and she has been beaten over and over by her boyfriend and she has caught him in bed with someone else after he asked for her l to marry him. Hannah moved too Las Vegas after getting out of the military to pursue her first degree at UNLV. She meant a very exciting Air Force pilot. She went to training with him in Texas. She fell madly in love. He was tall and white and blue-eyed everything her father would love. He was called to duty in Korea. About 6 months later, after riding back and forth daily he wrote to her and told her he was marrying someone else. He was drunk and laughing saying she was just mad because he wasn't marrying her. Hannah, about to marry the very next person that came along. And to be the smartest person even though she may not be the prettiest. She continued school and she's still like going to a little country bar to line down. She could dance all on her own without having a partner and it was really fun. Four or five girls that became our best friends and they went there every weekend. One night a boy put a yellow rose in front of her. She ignored it. 2 weeks later she was out again and ran into it. He was crying. He said you have no idea how bad you hurt me. Flabbergasted she said what are you talking about? He said I left you a rose and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and I want to marry you. Needless to say she did marry him. 2 years later at 27 she found herself living in Tucson, Arizona. Married to a total alcoholic. She felt that she would fail in school if she did not like to get away. As much as she loved him, she had to break away. But now to review, she's been raped beaten, cheated on left and married an alcoholic. These are things that don't go away and her mind. Dwelling on school made her very happy. Every time she passed a test or graduated with a degree. She felt successful no matter what, even if she still felt ugly. Lo and behold, 10 years later the black man came back. She fell in love with him again to find out that he was married to someone else already. She forgave him all his faults and was absolutely heartbroken when she found from his mother that he was married to someone else.

Ch. 8: Embracing the Present

Hannah now dates now and then but doesn't let anybody get close. She feels that people people are actually evil. It is very rare to find a couple that loves each other. She did become a provider physician assistant, physical therapy assistant and a doctor of naturopathic medicine. After a career of 40 years, seeing so many couples. Only 2% are happy. And she wonders if she'll ever get married.

Ch. 9: A Leap of Faith

Hannah has an online boyfriend who has been very close with her. They've only gotten together for one weekend but wow it was amazing. Every morning and every night he writes to her and sends her pictures and vice versa. But will this ever work out. He is much younger than she is and he lives in Mississippi. She lives in Las Vegas. He has a son who's a teenager. And neither one of them know if they're willing to move. That fear remains. Of who would support? Who whose house would you live in? Would you keep both houses? There's no way to answer these questions at this time. Hannah looks forward to retiring and being able to travel and spend some time with him. He's the most beautiful man she's ever seen. She would like to go before she gets older with arthritis and riddled with wrinkles. She now has the money to get plastic surgeries at 55. She went ahead and have a facelift at 60. She had her arms lifted and it's 6 a breast augmentation with reconstruction. She's proud. She's not embarrassed about that. But in the back of her mind she would still like to find the liver for life.

Ch. 10: Redefined Love

Well Steven and Hannah get together. Question, will it be soon or 6 more years when she retires. She will be 67. He will be 44. Will this be weird and will this be great?